Tuesday, August 2nd, 2005
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7:37 pm - im going to keep updating. it will be like acting practice.
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well yesterday was reely fun... i hung out with john at the mall... we had a good time n his friends were all so nice ^_^
now i feel so lonely cuz i wont be able to do that everytime...its so rare of me 2 be able to talk with friends...a lonely life to live...
all i have is the hope that maybe high school will be diff. i hope so.
i got my hair cut now 2 n i dyed it black with red streaks cuz everyone has black hair now. :( i want 2 be unique!
one more week till high school... mom bought preppy clothes for school ugh!!11 ill have john take me 2 hot topic before skool though.
see yas
-Raven
current mood:  depressed
current music: between the buried and me
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(7 comments | comment on this)
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7:28 pm - "Faggot."
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"i have a secret lolz...
im not reely a 14 yr old grl....
im a man! look at my manly man muscles and my mustache GRRRR football!"
Notice, that was just for the charactor of "gothic_tearz." I'm not REALLY a manly man...
but if I was Jeremy would still think I was sexii. Spelt like that too.
Isn't spray cheese nauseating?
current mood:  MAN
current music: depeche mode - i feel you
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(11 comments | comment on this)
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Friday, July 15th, 2005
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12:37 am - Let me make this clear for you losers...
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Thursday, July 14th, 2005
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5:47 pm
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well 2day was good.... i cant wait 2 see John again... i miss him so much allready.
were going 2 see willy wonka tomorow! johnny depp is so hott lol
hmm... i am really bored... ive just been layin around thinkin all day.
sumtimes i truly feel horrible and like i want to die n everyone around me is completely isolated but sumtimes there r really great moments that make life truly worth living but theyre so few and so much pain in between
whats the point of all this? i wish i knew.
sometimes i want 2 die. but im 2 scared to do it..
-raven
current mood:  contemplative
current music: norma jean
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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Tuesday, July 12th, 2005
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1:41 pm
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when i woke up these thoughts came 2 my head
"i luv my friends"
"i luv music"
and finally
"i luv my boyfriend"
i have never been this happy before :)
current mood:  content
current music: from autumn to ashes
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(comment on this)
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6:28 am - 2 step on ur face lol
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still awake... talking 2 john..he said he'll take me 2 the next httf show n we will hardcore dance n mosh
hes gunna teach me 2 2-step lol
then he;ll teach me to spin kick like bruce lee n karate chop cuz thats wut ppl do in high school
i luv him n i luv this scene
LONG LIVE THE SCENE!!
i luv the scene it is soooo o cool!!!!!
emo music n hardcore can really relate to wut i feel along with metal
theyre all great music, it means so much 2 me
-Raven
current mood:  music i realy luv
current music: hawthorne heights - ohio is for lovers
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(11 comments | comment on this)
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12:43 am
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well john and i r back together
he makes me so happy i luv him so much!! <3 <3 <3
im always thinking about him n i hate not knowing if he feels the same if he always thinks about me or not...
i miss him so much i wish he wuld get online so i could talk 2 him
mandy call me later we'll go 2 the movies!! love ya!
-raven
current mood: in luv!! <3
current music: twisted method
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(comment on this)
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Tuesday, July 5th, 2005
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5:58 am
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well, i started reading a new book called "nocturnal witchcraft" by Konstantinos. For those who live in the dark..
..hidden in shadows so atleast then no one can see me cry.
current mood:  awake
current music: cradle of filth
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(24 comments | comment on this)
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Thursday, June 30th, 2005
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11:01 pm
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well today my parents drove me over to ruth cooper...... i have to take drug tests now....great....
everyone add this person www.myspace.com/jeffrestar on my space. they r cool.
thanks. :)
-raven
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(6 comments | comment on this)
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Wednesday, June 29th, 2005
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5:23 pm
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Hello new friends!
wel, i have been very lonely lately so i decided to add every1 that mandy added...i guess she found u all thru communities n what not....
last time i added people looking for friends it didnt go over so well
but i refuse to give up, i hope it'll be diffrent this time!
oh how rude, well my names raven n im 14 still kinda new 2 livejurnal and i go to cape high, leave me comments n introduce urself as well! :)
lol
thanks
-raven
current mood: friendly
current music: fall out boy - sugar were goin down
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(6 comments | comment on this)
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1:24 am
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o man wut a trip!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111
i snorted this stuff that john called "special K" n i dont even remember much after that i thought i was dieing tho!!! it was scary n he said to take some 'corisidin' to calm me down but i think it made me worst
anyway i guess i fell asleep n now i just woke up n my parents r talking about sending me to ruth cooper tomorow. great
time to cut. :(
current mood:  hung overrrr
current music: bleeding through
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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Tuesday, June 28th, 2005
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9:10 pm
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B and I used to disguss the War on Iraq and twenty-first century bullshit over Starbucks mocha frappuchino as a nightly routine.
"Look, rainbows." He would say, but I could never see because it was always raining and everything was hazy and grey.
"What's it like?" I would ask.
"Like dropping LSD on the middle east."
"The middle east is like throw-away candy."
"How so?" and that's as far as we got because we both knew it was shit and didn't matter.
at the mall we would watch Cuban children run from their parents as Donnie and Marie played over speakers. "Where are my children?" "where do wild animals roam? like buffalos." Apparently through valleys of pac suns and free chinese chicken samples.
Platform sandles and pants with 1984. I would give my life.
Colors and places, people, time, clouds and gold chains, bling bling, stereo systems and would I like a biscotti with my coffee all blurs by into a Picasso painting selling on e-bay along with my soul.
"What do you think of Modernism, B?"
"I think it's a dreadful thing."
"But it's so designer."
And then we would sin, forever damning ourselves to America.
My weapon of choice is insincerity. Or in clarity? That's clarity inverse, and it's petty to worry about being clear because we'll have plenty of time to talk on the long journey to the middle.
Yesyesyes.
current mood:  artistic like wilde
current music: hands to the forsaken
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(7 comments | comment on this)
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Saturday, June 25th, 2005
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4:32 pm
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all i can ever think about is john! hes the last thing i think of before going to bed and the first thing i think of when i wake up!
i miss him so much n i just want to see him again... :(
its like a drug addiction or n obsession! i think i might really luv him... i no im just going 2 get hurt again tho but i cant help it!!
i no a lot of u r older so if u have any advice plz let me know! thanks.
-raven
P.S- Lord Satan hates parents.
current mood:  sad
current music: guns n roses - welcome to the jungle
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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1:32 am
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Things r still going crappy....me n John r still broken up...
we're trying to be friends, but he is very mean to me.
but sometimes he is really nice....i dont no wut to do! :(
in other news i am down to 126 pounds! i have been to upset to eat so im losing weight. :)
current mood: crappy
current music: metallica
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(6 comments | comment on this)
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1:11 am - NEW POEM!
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dark midnight hours
with the shrouded darkness hidden in the flowers
let this razor be your kiss
and the blood that pours, a substitute for the bliss
i knew only for such short time
oh, broken heart, pain so sublime
it knocks on my door
its what i live for, masochistic whore
no more, no more
im tired of this apathy
sinking into my morality
it clutches at my soul
just waiting to take me whole
i see his face, every time i blink
its been days, and i havent slept a wink
these nightmares never end
along with torn skin that can never mend
the stars in the sky,
covered by clouds
oh god, why! i cry
into the dark night shrouds
i hear only weeping
only despair
death is all around
Let me know what you think, guys!
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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Wednesday, June 22nd, 2005
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9:40 pm
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another night of being alone. ive been laying on my bed with the shades shut letting the darkness consume me lyk a blanket of coldness.
ive been thinking about everything...where were going....were all just completely fucked...i feel so alone..
im so weak n pathetic.. :(
i wish u wouldnt keep me guessing....do u want to be with me or not? im so confused....
i think i am the loneliest person on earth....
current mood: crushed
current music: me crying
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(comment on this)
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Tuesday, June 21st, 2005
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10:59 pm - A POEM
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this blood that streaks down my arm
i thought our love was true
just another false alarm
my skin is black and blue
it cuts like paper
this is all for you
im silently SCREAMing
it feels like im still dreaming
as the clouds drift by above
life goes on, and so does love
i could live for 1000 years
and cry 1000 tears
and i would never forget you
and my love would never fade
i just pray that someday
you think of me
and think what could have been
I WILL WAIT FOR YOU!
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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10:55 pm
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I KNEW IT WAS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE.
i am sooo upset rite now. i cant believe he dumped me just lyk that....
he was my everything.... i luvd him.... i thought maybe he would love me back but what would he want with a dumb fucking loser like me???
i gave him my virginity n everything. :(
ive pissed everyone off, and now he hates me he doesnt even want to talk 2 me now. :(
ive cried and cried and cut and cut and nothing helps
SUMONE SAVE ME FROM THIS DEPRESSION
current mood: heart broken
current music: fall out boy
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Monday, June 13th, 2005
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9:51 pm
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WOW long time no update!!!!!! hope u all havent forgotten about me! lol.
the past couple weeks have been crazy! i got drunk n lost my virginity. lol.
my home life has been shitty as always, mom n dad just wont leave me alone!! im thinkin about running away.....
should i??
i just dont know what to do i feel completely dead inside......
PS- COPELAND is a very good band!!!!!!!! u shuld all check them out! LOL
current mood: lonely
current music: copeland
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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Saturday, June 4th, 2005
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8:50 pm
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gothic_tearz's journal
ASSHOLES.